Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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