so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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