There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
