I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
