My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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