and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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