you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
