Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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