I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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