when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
