Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
