thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
