I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
