I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
