just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
