And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
