Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
