NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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