she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
