I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
