How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize