FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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