Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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