Fine. I'll sleep in my office
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
