I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
