My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
