Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
