Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Let's get the cat blown out
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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