Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I lost the right to judge tonight
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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