He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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