Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
