my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
