hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
