i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize