So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
