Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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