Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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