we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
