garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
