We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
