her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
