You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
