Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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