I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
