ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I could make wine with my vomit
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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