you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
