Grow some girl-balls and come out already
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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