If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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