Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
