I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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