Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
