It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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