it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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