i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
