So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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