I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
