You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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