i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
