Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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