Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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