i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
