If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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