of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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