I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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