Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I did not marry a roomba.
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