there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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