accomplished twins. life is a go
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
