Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
