Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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