my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
