I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
