at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize