She said her name was "party"
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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