Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
