i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
