Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
